You may recall I mentioned that Graham Hunter registered extrovertedblog.com after we met a couple days ago. Well he just wrote his first blog post, and you can read it here.
While I am located in Philadelphia, many of my business meetings are out in the western suburbs. Since the drive is all stop-and-go traffic on 476, I like to group these meetings together to make the best use of my time and gas mileage.
Today was one of my western suburbs days.
My last stop in Conshohocken was with Chris DiFonzo, CEO of OpenDesks. His company provides real-time access to workspace and meeting rooms in over 1000 locations worldwide.
This was my first time meeting Chris but I had heard a lot of good things about him. I immediately saw why. Chris is a no-nonsense, no B.S. type guy. He is also very succinct.
As an introvert, I have a lot of respect for people who are concise. This is because I usually feel utterly incapable of providing just the right mix of concise-but-not-‘Answers Mode’ responses to questions. This is because of the way my brain allocates energy:
My brain allocation makes it feel like there’s constant static overlaying everything I say. Two years ago, when I had phone calls, the static would be unbearable… even though I knew I sounded perfectly put-together on the outside. I actually recorded my side of a phone conversation once so I could hear how normal I sounded on the outside.
It took a couple years of very conscious, very slow evolving to grow into my brain’s method of parsing, digesting, and outputting information. I’m still not totally comfortable in delivering short, succinct responses. But I know I’m getting there.
Here’s what I recommend for introverts who feel static overlays with every spoken word:
- Try recording yourself in a phone call or conversation. I promise you will sound totally normal, and hearing that will bring you confidence.
- Don’t try to evolve out of ‘Answers Mode’ and into concise responses at the same time. Work on one at a time.
- If you’re hit with a question you don’t have the answer for, and you’re fumbling around trying to think of a response… write that question down. Figure out the answer later. Practice the response.
- Think up a lot of questions for the other person. Make the conversational focus more about him or her, not you.
So, my extroverted and introverted readers: do you have more suggestions?
Today I met up with Graham Hunter, founder of Interwebs Marketing. To quote Graham, “I am probably the most extroverted person you will ever meet”. And after spending an hour and a half with him, I must say I agree.
I have a hard time portioning my energy around really extroverted individuals. You may think their rapid-fire talking off the cuff would give an introvert more time to quietly mull over ideas, but it simply isn’t so. If anything, there is increased pressure to respond in a fast, alert manner.
When an introvert is speaking to an extrovert it is very easy to fall into ‘Answers Mode’. This is when all questions are met with a fully formed response, but the introvert fails to add a question or other conversational follow-up. When Answers Mode switches on, the task of carrying on conversation is placed entirely on the other person. It is, I have been told by loving Boyfriend, quite irritating.
I believe the cause of Answers Mode is feeling overwhelmed, tired, or distracted. Conversation and social niceties are a real effort for an introvert, and they are the first qualities to go when systems are on reserve power.
I don’t have any tips on handling Answers Mode yet, but when I find something that works I’ll be sure to let you know.
P.S.
Graham acquired extrovertedblog.com on the spot, immediately after I told him about this endeavor. Smartass.
Introverts need alone time. At the end of the day, it’s something we look forward to. Alone time means recuperating, it means a break from the constant brain churn.
I remember when I was a student in grad school and working two jobs, there was nothing I looked forward to more. I didn’t have many close friends that lived within an hour’s drive, and that was fine with me. I am by no means an anti-social individual– I go stir crazy if I don’t see a human being within a couple days. But when I was hopping from one job straight to another, then attending an evening class followed by an 8-hour seminar the next day… let me tell you. Being alone was a treat.
My life has changed quite a bit since this time. I work from home, and my office is the same room I sleep and sew in. Sometimes when I get a phone call late in the afternoon and it’s the first time I’ve actually spoken to all day, my voice feels rusty and uncertain.
I found that there is a fine line to an introvert’s desire for alone time. Too much, and I feel like a hermit. Too little, and I feel stressed out beyond belief.
So where’s the happy medium? I think once my business takes off and an office space is feasible, I’ll be much happier. In the meantime, there are shared offices and co-working spaces to consider. And before I commit to one of those, I can at least make sure my days are packed with in-person meetings located far, far away from the home office.
Delegating is not something that comes naturally to an introvert. There are a few reasons for this. First let me say that fear of being demanding (or perceived as such) is not one of them.
Introverts tend to be very self-sustaining. They fill their plates and feel comfortable handling all the items on those plates. This is because introverts are very mindful and high in accountability; problems and solutions are thought out well in advance. If the immediate solution is not working out, there is often at least one back-up plan.
However there comes a time in every busy person’s life that everything on the To Do list cannot be done. There are only so many hours in a day, and more importantly, there are usually more efficient methods for accomplishing tasks.
This is when delegating comes in to play.
As with all new behaviors, delegating is not easy from day one. There is a slow ramp up. I remember the day I realized I was able to successfully delegate: I was cooking dinner for some friends.
I had prepared a very full meal. Whole chicken, roasted in the oven with a side of mashed potatoes, baked garlic cloves, and a kalamata olive mushroom spinach dish. I plotted the timeline and all activities: first I’d prep the basics by dicing, peeling, and sauteing. Then the chicken would marinate while I started the potatoes and steamed the vegetables. The whole endeavor would take about four hours, one for prep work.
Four hours, that is, unless… unless I delegated out the prep work to my friends, who were already asking if they could help.
So with some delegating, the meal was a success, and everyone was happy to be a part of the experience. And I have found since that delegating when managing a team of 7 people is just as rewarding and efficient.
A professional group moving like a well-oiled machine is absolutely necessary for a growing company. Individual members are given opportunities to develop, grow, and feel a part of the greater goal. Organizational efficiency is jump-started. Lastly, individual accountability and trust are two qualities that can only increase under successful delegation.